The Man on the Left

In many places I have seen a descriptive term used for people that drive in the left lane. That term is the LEFT LANE BANDIT! These people may drive faster or slower than other drivers, but they never leave the left lane of traffic. I have no idea what kind of person this is, but I picture them as one who likes a smoother ride, or perhaps he missed class on the day they were teaching "Slower Traffic to the Right."

There are two ways to deal with this creature of habit. One is to pass the bastard on the right while the slower traffic looms ever closer. Another way is to climb right onto the bumper of the man on the left and flash your lights, as if you were in a real hurry and wanted him to move over so that you could get your pregnant wife to the hospital.

Today on the highway I saw something unusual. Two left lane men in tandem, one a faster driver, one a slower one. I took the first option to avoid the whole situation, passing the bastard on the right, keeping a watchful eye out for the everpresent semi truck. Then I saw this white sports car pull up behind the slower LLB in a green pickup truck (with camper shell filled to the brim with crap) and stay on his bumper like he was being towed. The man in front refuse to yeild the lane. The man behind refused to pass on the right. I'm sure each knew the other was there, and it became a test of wills to see who would move first.

I imagine a conversation going something like this:

Man in Front: "Sheesh, why won't this crazy guy get off my bumper!?"

Man in Back: "Sheesh, why won't this crazy guy move over? Can't he see I'm right on his bumper?!"

Finally, after about ten miles of this, the truck gave in and moved over. In the sports car, I looked over to see who was driving. It was a large bald man, smoking a cigar. Finally, I had a face to put on this man on the left.